The Power of Self-Forgiveness

A pastor once shared a story with me from early in his ministry. A man in his congregation came to him after a sermon on forgiveness, visibly distressed. Even though he had become a Christian years ago, he still carried a deep sense of guilt for a string of immoral choices from his younger days, lies, betrayal, even a failed marriage. He said,

“I believe in God's forgiveness… but I can't stop remembering what I did.”

The pastor asked him to try something: “Write it all down. Every sin, every regret you’re still holding onto. Be honest, be specific. Bring it to me next week.”

The man came back with pages. He had written out his failures in detail.

The pastor read Isaiah 43:25 aloud:

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”

Then, he took the stack of paper, lit a match, and dropped it into a metal pail. The ashes crumbled and disappeared.

He looked at the man and said, “If God has forgotten it, why are you still carrying it?”

The man wept. And for the first time in decades, he felt what he described as lightness. He had been forgiven long ago, but in this moment was when he truly believed it and forgave himself.

If the all-knowing God has chosen to forget, we don’t need to keep remembering. Self-forgiveness means stepping into that divine forgetfulness and living free.

“You are not what you did. You are what God has declared: forgiven.”

We begin with this powerful promise from Scripture, one that has the power to shift how we see ourselves and others:

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will remember your sins no more.” — Isaiah 43:25

Let that sink in. God says, "I will remember your sins no more." Not just ignore them, nor diminish them, but blot out. And if God lets go of your past, why are you still carrying it?

We’re here not just to do work but we are also here to grow, to develop, and to bring our full selves, mind, body, and spirit, into everything we do. But here's the reality: many of us are carrying burdens of guilt, regret, or self-rejection, and it’s weighing us down.

It affects how we work.  How we lead. How we listen. How we innovate. And How we relate to one another.

We live in a culture that’s constantly reminding us of what we lack: Buy this, you’ll be accepted. Do that, and maybe you'll be worthy. Fix yourself, because you're not enough. Self help is a huge thing in our world today.

But that is not the message of the gospel. The truth is this:

You are already enough. Not because you are perfect, but because God’s grace is sufficient…and it is in you and for you.

And because He has forgiven you, you are free to forgive yourself.

Maybe you've been telling yourself...

"I'm not good enough." "I'm too far behind." "I've messed up too badly." "I don't deserve a fresh start."

But God says:

“I have blotted out your transgressions. I will remember your sin no more.”

This is not a theory. This is not just a saying…but It’s a promise. It’s a foundation you can build your life on. And your work, too! Because when you accept God’s forgiveness, it impacts more than your soul, it impacts your clarity, your creativity, your relationality, and your leadership ability!.

Let’s think about  Peter. In John 21, Jesus meets Peter again after Peter’s greatest failure. Peter had denied Jesus, not only once but three times.

John 21:1-19Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Galilee. It happened this way: 2 Simon Peter, Thomas (also known as Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. 3 “I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.

4 Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.

5 He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”

“No,” they answered.

6 He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

7 Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. 8 The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. 9 When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.

10 Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” 11 So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. 12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. 13 Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. 14 This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.

15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

Jesus meets Peter again, and Jesus didn’t shame him. Jesus didn’t even bring it up in order to remind him or guilt him. Instead, Jesus asked Peter three times, "Do you love me?" And every time Peter answered yes, Jesus gave him a new mission: "Feed my sheep."

The point is this - Jesus restored Peter, even Peter who betrayed him!  He gave him a new start and a new purpose. And He didn’t just forgive him; He recommissioned him.

So that Peter didn’t stay trapped in his guilt. In fact He became a pillar of the early church, a leader who helped others find forgiveness, too.

That same grace, that same forgiveness, that same kind of new start is available for you today.

So let me ask you:

• What mistake or regret are you still carrying, are you still dwelling on?

• What guilt are you clinging to, when God has already let it go?

  
  

I know sometimes for me I dwell on failures from my past in terms of relationships.  When I’ve let someone down and it’s the kind of thing that can really keep me up at night and even affect relationships in the present. 

• What mistake or regret or what burden are you still carrying, or are you still dwelling on?

• What guilt are you clinging to when God has already let it go?

  
  

I’m going to encourage to Take a moment today. Write it down. Just pause for a few moments for you to think and pray on this and write it down.  It’s just for you no one else needs to know.  Then pray about it! Ask God to take it from you. And then destroy it. Tear it up. Burn it. Delete it.

The point is this - Whatever it takes, symbolically let it go. Because you cannot build the future God has for you while dragging the weight of what He’s already forgiven.

And here’s something practical: when you practice self-forgiveness, when you free yourself from guilt, then you begin to unlock your true, god given potential. And the result is that you show up more fully in meetings. You connect more authentically with coworkers. You make decisions with clarity instead of fear. You stop playing small and you are able to think of the big wins.  And you start leading.

Here’s the principle I want us to walk away with:

Self-forgiveness is as necessary as the forgiveness of others.

When you carry guilt, it clouds your judgment, steals your energy, and blocks your ability to create, to lead, and to love. But when you accept God’s forgiveness, it frees you to:

• Learn from your mistakes

• Improve without shame

• Start again with confidence

• Lead with compassion and authenticity

  
  

Now, alternatively, Self-rejection (as opposed to self-forgiveness) is often disguised as perfectionism. It’s the inner voice that says, "You should have known better," "You should be further along in your career by now." But the voice of Christ says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

You don’t need to prove yourself, because you are already approved by the One who matters most.

So start today. Take a good, long look in the mirror and say, "I am who I’ve been looking for."

Because God already sees you, not through the lens of your failures, but through the lens of His grace.

Treat yourself like someone you love, because you are loved by the one who matters most!  Stop waiting for permission to grow. Or permission to forgive. Or permission to release, and begin again.

And remember: You are here with purpose. You are capable of change. You are not defined by your past. You are free!

“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner.” — Max Lucado

“Self-forgiveness is a journey, not a one-time decision. So Be patient with yourself.” — Unknown

“Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is the one in the mirror.”— Unknown

“Your past is a lesson, not a life sentence.”— Unknown

There was a young man who was a gifted classical pianist. As a child, he was hailed as a prodigy, performing in prestigious concert halls by the age of 12. But in his late teens, he made a series of terrible choices, getting involved with drugs, dropping out of music, and hurting those who believed in him. Ultimately, he disappeared from the music world altogether.

Years later, in his early 30s, he worked as a janitor in a community center. One day, while cleaning a multipurpose room, he noticed a old piano in the corner. When no one was around, he sat down and for the first time in years he began to play.  What came out was hauntingly broken yet beautiful.

The community center director walked in unnoticed and listened. When the man realized he had an audience, he stopped immediately and stood up, embarrassed. “I don’t deserve to play,” he said. “I wasted everything.”

The director quietly replied, “That may be true. But that piano doesn’t belong to your past, it belongs to today. And it still responds to your touch.”

Those words unlocked something. That night, the man went home, cried out to God, and asked not just for forgiveness, but for the courage to accept it.

He later began playing again, mentoring youth, and even performing in small recitals. Not for fame. But for freedom.

You see, in Jesus, God doesn’t just redeem our souls, He redeems our stories. Self-forgiveness is not forgetting what happened, but choosing to believe that God can bring beauty from brokenness.

Self Reflection Exercise: Take five minutes in silence today. Silence is often where we meet God…

• Write one area where you are very self critical of yourself and where you need to receive grace.

• Pray, give it to God, and release it. (burn it, tear it up, delete it)

• Finally, Write a single phrase of affirmation (e.g., "I am forgiven and free") and keep it in your wallet, your screen saver, or your desk.

This isn’t just inspiration. This is transformation. The same power that restored Peter is at work in you. You are who you’ve been looking for... And you have work to do, not work to earn your worth, but work that flows from the freedom of knowing you are already loved.

Prayer: God, thank You for the grace that blots out our past and sets us free to live fully today. Help us to believe what You say about us, to let go of guilt, shame, and regret, and to walk forward in the freedom of Your forgiveness. May we forgive ourselves as You have forgiven us, and may we live and work with courage, compassion, and renewed purpose. In Jesus’ name, amen.